Turns out Baby Giant has been nursing dark fears for the last month. Fears which finally saw light late last night.
I had gone to bed – was idly wondering how long it would be before I managed to sleep – when he came to use my en suite.
I wryly listened to his strong young-man-flow, trying to guess how much would be splashed on the seat. I suffered the sounds of long teenage ablutions and nodded knowingly to myself when the mirror-studying silence fell. Then he burst into my room again to simply stand in silence.
I was pretending to read. Just hoping he would say his usual “night Mum. I love you”. And then go away. But he remained. A silent presence at the foot of my bed.
My gaze flickered up and I raised my eyebrows, smiling what I hoped was just a tiny dismissive goodnight smile. He coughed. Then, oh god, he covered his face with his hands and his shoulders began to heave.
I could make no sense of what was happening, nor what he was trying to say through the noisy sobs.
I cradled his head as he lay down on my bed. And when he had calmed sufficiently he was able to tell me that he was pee-ing blood. That he knew he had a varicocele on his left testicle. That he also had a lump on his right testicle. That he was never going to have children and that he was going to die.
My sobbing half-man half-child had diagnosed himself from google searches. Has been passing blood for “at least two months”. Sobbingly relates “some sexual contact” (cos I was inwardly pondering STDs) and described what sounded (to me) like hideous testicular lumps. He had been worried for a couple of months but couldn’t find the right time to say anything.
After checking with him that it was alright (and reasoning that as I didn’t have testicles I wasn’t best placed to really know normal from abnormal) I shouted on R.
We comforted and jollied Baby Giant who wanted to sob a wee bit more before assuming calm again. We discussed matters calmly and matter-of-factly. He indicated he wanted me to come with his to see the family doctor.
I telephoned this morning and he has an appointment at 11.10am. He is still sleeping as I type – Ill rouse him in just a minute. But reckon he needs some peace after the dreadful worrying he has been doing.