A long goodbye.

My pal left this Row, this village, the daily embrace of my life, this morning. 

She and I have spent the last few weeks packing her life into boxes. Sifting through the debris of a irretrievably shattered 23yr long relationship. Binning photos. Binning all possible reminders of the despised Ex

It was in this way that I have come to understand just how an innocuous print of a vintage car and a battered old bowling pin could be catalysts for the unleashing of that suppressed and long overdue, rage and fury. Triggering such a cataract of pain and howling, of outrageous throwing and screaming, that I was frightened for a wee while.

Over the last week, she and I have spent our spare minutes together. Crying and consoling one another. Tears seasoned by alcohol and tobacco. I have gone through the legal missives and court communications which the violence of her Ex has required. We have all eaten together – my pal and her daughter joining the usual 7 I have to feed. We have worried and fretted together. Gone to the pub together and gotten pissed and found ourselves in dubious parties at 4am when we really ought to have known better… We have laughed. We have pulled the cords of remembrance and the shared past which bind us, even more tightly. Recalling the sad, the happy, the risque, the hilarious. last night we partied again. Until we fell down crying again. And then we slept til 9am when she had to climb into the Audi beast and leave this place that has been home for so long.

We have confirmed the arrangements for meeting up. Leeds in a couple of weeks. And she and mini-she will be here for Hogmanay. I know that we will not lose touch. That the only real barrier between us will be the three hour journey from Scotland to Yorkshire.

Why then, the pain today when I passed the new owners of number 9. Unlocking the door to their new home today at 1pm.

I could leave here now. She was part of what made this village home. Su hogar fue mi hogar. These are the ties that bind us. And in a way that is difficult to define, I feel alone again.