Happy New Year – the Big Party!

The annual Stewart “Day of Madness” is over for another year. I survived!! The house remains intact! We all had a ball.

Hogmanay came and went with the usual mix of fireworks, bells ringing in the village square and 63 bodies drinking, dancing, drinking, eating, drinking and falling down in my house…

Managed to piss off only one (very grumpy snitchy non-partying) neighbour (the neighbour who wasn’t invited to the party) and managed to break only one glass. The jumbo pot of my special chilli vanished within 3 hours of the party opening – with little size 0 Jodie scoffing the last three bowls on her own. The soup had been supped by 4am. The chicken korma eaten by 4.10am. The crisps, nut and sundry prawns and nibbles disappeared within minutes of being served. We were out of beer by 6.30am…

The lad and his many numerous (46) pals turned the bottom 2 levels into a club – techno and dance and DJ sets eventually topping the Indie and old sounds being played by the adults on the 3rd and 4th floors. Who needs The Fall or Massive Attack or Underworld when you can have Deadmau5 and Tiesto? (well, me actually! but I am clearly past it).

The beautiful young women tottered and teetered up and down the stairs on 6″ heels and micro minis – much to the disgust of the mature females assembled and the delight of the heterosexual men. There was the usual lesbian love tryst in the upstairs bathroom – though only one lad coming out (as opposed to the usual three). Marc (20yrs) swore undying lust for me this year – the effect of Snow leopard vodka… Jo and I elevated Calvin – the 18 stone doe-eyed rugby boy – with “the power of belief” and only four fingers (difficult to explain  though I will oblige if you really want me to)…

The die-hards – a few neighbours and a few of the lads pals – were still up at 7.30am. They had graduated to spirits by then (though admittedly a few had been on spirits all night).

The lad had introduced the male neighbours to his “Beer Bomb” – and this caused a massive macho stir of competitive spirit… This improvised device (a funnel, firmly attached to a metre long length of hose – the funnel filled to brimming with a cocktail of drinks and the hose attached to the victim – sorry, the drinkers – mouth) is designed to introduce alcohol very rapidly… According to the lad it “sorts the men from the boys”… Suffice to say only three of the male (middle-class and very proper professionals) neighbours managed to sup the funnel contents as they were delivered at high speed and had to be supped in one long swallow… It never ceases to amaze me how otherwise clever and mature men can metamorphose into wee daft laddies and how “mature” male pride MUST beat “the youngsters”!

We went to sleep at 9am and woke at 1.40pm. I served the bacon rolls and fried stodge to the remaining 12 bodies and eventually the house had emptied of all but 2 guests by 6pm on the 1st of January.

It has taken till today to really thoroughly clean and clear party debris – but it was worth it. So many happy faces. So many hilarious memories to feed stories for the rest of the year.

My pal and her daughter left only an hour ago.

That is us for another year… all that remains for me to say is –

Much love and Happy Happy Happy 2012 to you all!