Well. I’ve survived so far :-D

I returned to work on Tuesday (past) after a (challenging) discussion with my General Practitioner.

I’ve spent all of today sleeping.

Recovery (I use the term loosely…) is taking longer than I thought. Turns out that GP’s sometimes know a thing or two…

thought that once I was breathing, more like a normal person, I’d be ‘my old self’ (the self who didn’t know about the other crap and was just blithely sailing on into the future).

I’m not.


look like my old self. I talk and laugh and joke and think (mostly) like my old self. I am just not anywhere near as energetic. Or enthusiastic. Or as resilient.

I am finding that I want to cry – quite a lot. And I spend considerable energy every day just suppressing that urge. My lungs still feel odd. Sensitive. Like they’ve been burned – and I am breathing through smoke. I am breathless and my legs ache when I climb stairs. I am not yet fit enough to do the moderate Walkway circuit – though I have tried.

Then there’s the too-fast-heart thing – not constantly too-fast, but just there. Occasional. Reminding me.

Of frailty. Vulnerability. Limitation. Mortality.

My very own glitch in the system. My on-board shit-faced irritant.


As for the work?

In the main, it was a typical new-start’s week: information coming at you in a tsunami of words and people and tasks.

Differentiation’s always difficult when it’s like that.

But I am starting now, to assemble the mental ‘filing baskets’ that will help me categorise and then perform the tasks that will be required of me.

There is much to be done. I don’t think I will be bored or unoccupied.

I’ll just leave it at that.

9 thoughts on “Well. I’ve survived so far :-D

  1. I really hate WordPress with a passion. I spent ages writing a comment on my phone and the it said it didn’t recognise my login wiped my comment. So I have to try and recraft my words of….well, my words.

    I’m glad to see that you are on the mend and are back at work. I hope that you will soon be fully healed. I would have said back to normal but got the fact that your frenetic mental (and physical) life is probably not a good thing to which to return.

    I say that from my hospital bed where I feel fine but have been ensconced having arrived as a day patient 4 days ago. Thinking however of my complete acceptance of the situation I find the way you deal with it as alien as you doubtless find my approach. Said with the love of friendship. GB

    • I aspire to your acceptance GB.
      I’m just not there yet.
      Although like all the irritants in our life – this too shall pass.
      I hope the hospital stay isn’t a long one. You’ll be far from home 😦

      I heartily dislike WordPress too. Always does the same to me – which is why I copy my comment now “just in case”.

      I’ll pm you. Take care.

      • Aye. I usually copy mine too but that chap Sod stepped in on that occasion and I forgot. He has a lot to answer for.

  2. I am with your GP, you ought to be at home recuperating not annoying folks at work.
    At least you are alive and with a great future to look forward to, unless you get sacked of course…
    Work is less important than you!

    • It really is.
      I am learning some essential lessons just now. Better late than never…
      My priorities have been a bit (a lot) schewed.
      Just had a family conversation that involved ‘how quickly can we downsize/sell up/retire/start shedding materials and work responsibilities…’
      Epiphanies are sore but essential…

  3. Change is never good when enforced, however you will survive it and you might be able to kick the kids out and find space around you! 🙂

    • Hey Mr Tynecastle. You had a guid result the ither day there!! Well done the Hearts!
      Thanks for your good wishes.
      I am gradually ‘getting there’ and am genuinely looking forward to Xmas and New Year. Sending best wishes to you! x

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