There’s just no end to this shit.

And I thought 2016 was a fairly shitty year…

On the domestic front, familial illness takes its toll on them – and on us/me.

Emergency surgery for Mum just days before Christmas strangely knocked the stuffing out of me.

Said like that I just seem determined to confirm that this is all about me – that I am a selfish bastard… but whilst Mum is home, she is clearly still recovering and whilst I am grateful that she is home and that she is recovering (as opposed to being cold and dead and mouldering or just plain old ash) I feel pretty much betrayed by the cosmos.

I thought we had an agreement, Cosmos, that you’d lay off us for a wee while. But no. Boom. It’s 2.30am on a December morning and I’m falling out of bed to answer an insistent ringing that ends with me driving Dad and following an ambulance to Accident & Emergency at our local General Hospital.

I thought she was going to die.

It was all so sudden and unexpected – and I thought: this is how it happens – this is how you lose your Mum – to some bastard opportune complication in the middle of the night in a grubby, over-populated General Hospital A&E, whose Portering staff seem never to have heard of simple fucking human decency and where the wee young nurse tending to her can’t work out (from simple fucking observation) that your Mother is truly ill and that fucking paracetamol and a poorly inserted IV drip just don’t fucking cut it.

It all came good in the end.

My Mother is losing internal organs and bits at a rate of knots. But you’d never really know. Not looking at her anyway.

Except – every bit she loses, she is just a wee bit reduced. And me/the rest of us are fucking knackered.

This shit hurts.

It is sore.

And it is the gift that just doesn’t know when to stop giving…

Because now we have Dad – and his metastasis.

And – because the world just doesn’t fucking stop just because you happen to be having a shit time – we (the global ‘we’) have Trump.

And – as if that isn’t enough – not sufficient unto the day – we have the whole fucking fascist-Bannon thing.

And fascists crying over not being called ‘Alt-Right’ – and about the unfairness of liberal-type folks criticising and campaigning against the poor Alt-Right’s fascist, racist, white supremacist worldview, and just being, plain and simple, ghastly and intolerant. I mean – just how much cognitive dissonance does one liberal need to live with to profess to be tolerant but to not, in actual fact, be able to tolerate folk who are intolerant…?

I’ve started to think of Dad’s skin metastasis as a cutaneous malignancy called Bannon the 1st.

Though at least Dad has had Bannon the 1st excised.

I’ve started praying (this agnostic liberal is hedging her bets) that Bannon (that wife-beating; woman-hating; anti-semitic fascist stain – that malignancy) will also be excised.

Before the rest of us are atomised.

Because I don’t think that petitions are going to cut it.

9 thoughts on “There’s just no end to this shit.

  1. Just when you think 16 gives you a kicking eh? My own wee dad is ill in hospital. I’ve been ‘unwell’ since op. And that dogged feeling that I can’t do anything right. I’ve missed you Yvonne

    • Hey you. We could sit in silent hand-wringing-ness this weekend if you’re free. I’m feeling pretty much gubbed. Even when good things happen I’m studying them closely, just waiting for the alien to rip right through reality.
      Feck. Argh!!!
      Must be our age Mrs. Isn’t that what the docs always say… xx

  2. Politically speaking – I feel weirdly evasive being in Germany right now. We didn’t come here for the level-headed civility. If I was back in Oz I would have so much to kick against, or if I was in England, or even back in Canada, no matter how pretty our prime minister is. But my relief at being in a place that’s comparatively civilly run at the moment is in some ways being exceeded by my practical inability to kick against the pricks when there are so many pricks who need kicking. . . but I wish you had fewer pricks to kick when you have enough worry on the home front to deal with.

    • Meg is not long back from Germany – and was saying exactly the same thing. Mind you she also said Spain was just as good to be in…
      It’s fucking anglo-saxon supremacist shit. There is something innately wrong/perverted about the WASP culture. This desire for strong authoritarian leaders who’ll fuck everyone.
      What about the AfD? Frauke Petry is one scary fascist – and some right wing propaganda here would have her heir apparent to Merkel.
      There are too many fights on too many fronts – I feel mostly scared shitless.

      • I was wrong about Brexit and Trump but at least in the context of here in NRW her party is considered a bad joke. But things may be very different in less prosperous or more traditional places.

  3. They say things canny get worse, then Motherwell lose 3-0. 🙂

    Sorry to hear of your continuing troubles, friends here have similar problems and even the cat died!
    Just remember two things,
    Jesus still wants you (as a sunbeam)
    it could be worse, you could be English!

    • I watched the Motherwell carnage and we wept.
      Then watched the rugby (which is usually dismissed in this house as a game for boys too posh to play with a real ball) and rejoiced.
      Yip. Life takes these turns.
      And sometimes there’s a hellish storm or several.
      But we will get through. Nowt else fur it.
      (English? Ha! I thank God for his mercies… 😉 )

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