Conversation at dinner tonight.
Ana: He put a hole in ma Captain America shield.
Evan: He put a hole in ma sleep.
That cat is mad. No joke. Two o’clock this morning and a let Steve intae ma room. A knew it was Steve cos she scratches the door (he jist scratches at the carpet). She jist runs in. Doesnae even look. And a stood there at the bedroom door and could jist see this wee black head keekin’ roon the stair wall. Man that cat jist terrorises Steve
Ana (indignant): Aye a know. He terrorises ma villagers*.
When does he get – you know [giggles] – his things off?
Me: Next week. He’s not that bad. He’s a wee angel. It’s that fat Steve is a pest.
Ana: Don’t say that about my Stevie baby.
Jamie: Ana. Ana. Thought you said your door didnae close right?
Ana: Aye Jamie. That’s right Jamie. A hud tae jam it wi’ the bongo drums.
Note to self: Phone the vet on Monday. That cat needs to be neutered.
But there’s no similarly easy remedy for this family’s madness.
*Ana’s room is festooned with Sylvanian families. Ernie – the kitten – loves the Sylvanians more than she loves the Sylvanians. Ernie’s favourite game is ‘steal the Sylvanian’ – and he can regularly be found with a mouth full of animal characters that he’s en route to hiding somewhere.