Return of the Bastard Visitor

So, the bowel screening service – that bulky brown envelope that plops in through every 50+ Scot’s letterbox (and on a three-yearly basis thereafter) – well, yes, that scheme – it’s just possibly caught my old maw in time.

It’s confirmed. After the colonoscopy and the radioactive-arse-fallout and the excruciatingly loud wind that we all laughed at, she’s been diagnosed.


This is the third consecutive year we’ve had a visit from the Big C.

Maybe it’s that frequency – the familiarity – that explains this bizarre ‘business as usual’ approach that we’ve adopted.

Thing is – the auld yin looks well. No weight loss (maybe the one thing she’s not entirely happy about); no pain; no bowel habit ‘change’. And she feels well.

So, all good so far.


Then there’s the very Scottish approach to all things bowel related. This boils down to: shifty embarrassment OR hearty embrace of toilet humour.

We played her this the night before her colonoscopy.

As a fellow Scot, the Big Yin totally nails it (and according to Mum, his is an entirely realistic account….).

So we’ve decided (until she thumps one of us) that the Connolly-approach is the one we’re going with.


This all said, I am fucked off with life to be honest.

It’s the relentless inevitability and powerlessness that ticks me off the most.

Here I am. Here we all are. And there is not a fucking thing we can do.


2 thoughts on “Return of the Bastard Visitor

    • MRI and CT scan appointments are now in for next week. Docs seem certain it’s been caught at an early stage. That’s something.
      We’re all (me included) getting better at coping (in fact we’re probably a bit too blase now…) and that’s something too.
      Hope things are ok with you.

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