Baby Giant nurses some fears…

Turns out Baby Giant has been nursing dark fears for the last month. Fears which finally saw light late last night.

I had gone to bed – was idly wondering how long it would be before I managed to sleep – when he came to use my en suite.

I wryly listened to his strong young-man-flow, trying to guess how much would be splashed on the seat. I suffered the sounds of long teenage ablutions and nodded knowingly to myself when the mirror-studying silence fell. Then he burst into my room again to simply stand in silence.

I was pretending to read. Just hoping he would say his usual “night Mum. I love you”. And then go away. But he remained. A silent presence at the foot of my bed.

My gaze flickered up and I raised my eyebrows, smiling what I hoped was just a tiny dismissive goodnight smile. He coughed. Then, oh god, he covered his face with his hands and his shoulders began to heave.

I could make no sense of what was happening, nor what he was trying to say through the noisy sobs.

I cradled his head as he lay down on my bed. And when he had calmed sufficiently he was able to tell me that he was pee-ing blood. That he knew he had a varicocele on his left testicle. That he also had a lump on his right testicle. That he was never going to have children and that he was going to die.

My sobbing half-man half-child had diagnosed himself from google searches. Has been passing blood for “at least two months”. Sobbingly relates “some sexual contact” (cos I was inwardly pondering STDs) and described what sounded (to me) like hideous testicular lumps. He had been worried for a couple of months but couldn’t find the right time to say anything.


After checking with him that it was alright (and reasoning that as I didn’t have testicles I wasn’t best placed to really know normal  from abnormal) I shouted on R.

We comforted and jollied Baby Giant who wanted to sob a wee bit more before assuming calm again. We discussed matters calmly and matter-of-factly. He indicated he wanted me to come with his to see the family doctor.

I telephoned this morning and he has an appointment at 11.10am. He is still sleeping as I type – Ill rouse him in just a minute. But reckon he needs some peace after the dreadful worrying he has been doing.

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5 thoughts on “Baby Giant nurses some fears…

  1. I cannot begin to imagine what he must be thinking at that age. How to deal with it. How to tell someone. How to get help. I hope all goes well for him and for you all. I've just looked at the clock. I am writing this at 11.10! He will have an hour to the appointment.

  2. Super quick appointment Graham. Our lovely GP has confirmed that there is nowt to worry about on the testes front – lumps are “normal”. Tho BG is currently filling test-tubes with urine samples which will be handed in asap.
    Phew. Phew all round. Especially for sheepish BG…

  3. Yikes!

    Like Gb said….what a thing for a kid to be dealing with. I sobbed a little inside just at the thought of that kinda problem.

    Glad I'm reading after the appointment.

    Y'all have got to catch a break at some point.

  4. Oh this brought such a lump to my throat thinking what your lovely lad had been going through – for two months. Suffering in silence. Such a male thing not to talk about problems.
    So glad all is well Yvonne.

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