A long goodbye.

My pal left this Row, this village, the daily embrace of my life, this morning. 

She and I have spent the last few weeks packing her life into boxes. Sifting through the debris of a irretrievably shattered 23yr long relationship. Binning photos. Binning all possible reminders of the despised Ex

It was in this way that I have come to understand just how an innocuous print of a vintage car and a battered old bowling pin could be catalysts for the unleashing of that suppressed and long overdue, rage and fury. Triggering such a cataract of pain and howling, of outrageous throwing and screaming, that I was frightened for a wee while.

Over the last week, she and I have spent our spare minutes together. Crying and consoling one another. Tears seasoned by alcohol and tobacco. I have gone through the legal missives and court communications which the violence of her Ex has required. We have all eaten together – my pal and her daughter joining the usual 7 I have to feed. We have worried and fretted together. Gone to the pub together and gotten pissed and found ourselves in dubious parties at 4am when we really ought to have known better… We have laughed. We have pulled the cords of remembrance and the shared past which bind us, even more tightly. Recalling the sad, the happy, the risque, the hilarious. last night we partied again. Until we fell down crying again. And then we slept til 9am when she had to climb into the Audi beast and leave this place that has been home for so long.

We have confirmed the arrangements for meeting up. Leeds in a couple of weeks. And she and mini-she will be here for Hogmanay. I know that we will not lose touch. That the only real barrier between us will be the three hour journey from Scotland to Yorkshire.

Why then, the pain today when I passed the new owners of number 9. Unlocking the door to their new home today at 1pm.

I could leave here now. She was part of what made this village home. Su hogar fue mi hogar. These are the ties that bind us. And in a way that is difficult to define, I feel alone again.

7 thoughts on “A long goodbye.

  1. We'll just have to do an especially good job of keeping you company for a while.

    It's sad when people who are tied up with your own identity leave…genuine loss. My buddies are all gone. Allan's only just down the road in Mobile Alabama but, we still can't meet for coffee every morning. The other has gone off to God forsaken Vermont….and disappeared.

    I hate it for you.

  2. Oh e.f. you understand! and have made me feel not quite as alone.
    You are a wee gift! Thank you.
    Btw – just getting round to responding to you nutty lot on “Fuel level low”….lol…you are a bunch of smart arses…but in the best possible way of course!!

  3. I am very glad I stumbled onto this blog and gotten to know you…and i'm also glad to have you stopping by mine.

    It usually goes pear shaped over there pretty quickly but you seem to fit right in. 🙂

  4. Friends are so so important. Glad you are seeing her for Hogmanay.
    And hope your friend finds the new place OK as it is difficult to move to new places. Sure she will miss you enormously.

  5. I didn't comment when I first read this. I wasn't sure what to say. In fact, of course, I should just have said that I understand how you felt and left it at that. Because I do. I've been there and I've got more T-shirts than you can shake a stick at. But new people have come into my life. And many of the old ones have moved much further away than 3 hours and are still an integral part of my life. As your friend will be of yours. But see my next post!

  6. You are a good lesson to us all Graham! I was just thinking that it wont be so very long before you are back here – and we can meet up in V&C!
    But yes, Jo and I will remain friends – regardless of distance.

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