Suffering a hideous lethargy and desire to simply give up and go home to bed. Triggered by too much to do and too many people to convince that the ‘to do’ list is filled with the correct ‘to dos’.
Spent most of the day arguing my corner and then the rest of the day realising that my efforts had been lost on the people I’d argued with. None of whom appeared to have listened to a word I’d said and resorted to the same old patterns they are familiar with – so that by the day’s end I felt I’d walked two paces only to go back three…
Of course it may be the case that my powers of persuasion; my ability to hone a well-reasoned argument; to marshall my intellectual resources – all have deserted me. I admit to a certain lack of conviction in some of that which I have to present. Maybe the others can scent this ambivalence? Like hounds scenting blood?
The meeting organised for tomorrow will be difficult. A conviction that honesty, integrity, ‘right’ will out – is starting to feel hollow.
I do feel that I walk a tightrope though. Work colleague A’s confession that she found me ‘intimidating’ (said when she obviously realised I wasn’t either too clever or an intellectual threat!) hasn’t eased that feeling. Now I feel I have to present – but not too passionately; to convince but not to obviously – else I risk ‘intimidating’ the others…
Democratic structures can be so frustrating! Consultation can be soul-destroying! It’s on day’s like this when I can see the attraction of workplace dictatorship!